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Discussion in 'Social Discussion' started by Eetha, Jan 12, 2016.
I believe in you, 100%
This made me smile.
not a good day. period, back hurts, shoulder hurts, nerve pain everywhere, super high anxiety. I only want one person. Had to keep myself from driving there. It's only been about 9 months.
Don't need to break that.
i love to give in to my temptations!
OK. I need to go to sleep. My dad told me to wake him up at 630, four hours from now. He goes in for his prostate cancer shots today, they give him a hormone shot and he is doing well with it so far. From what I can see he is doing ok, very active and vital. But it's still very scary.
Spoiler: sad post where i try to own up to my own bullshit
I've been feeling surprisingly well over the last couple weeks, but over the last couple days I've been thinking about the way I've treated some people over the years. And it makes me feel fucking awful, like I'm the scum of the earth. In the past, once I saw someone negatively, there was pretty much no redeeming them, and I'm realizing how much my illness exaggerated some cases, how many friendships I ruined for what now feels like seemingly no reason. I can't totally blame my illness for it, at the end of the day it was still me making decisions. I just wish I could've done things differently. I don't really know what to do about these feelings I thought about reaching out to some of these people and righting wrongs, but I think ultimately it's not worth it to potentially reopen wounds for what could just be me trying to save face and make myself feel better, when they might not want to ever hear from me again.
honestly, you just gotta move on from it. Realizing you may have treated them badly is great, but now you need to stop beating yourself up about it and move forward .The most important thing now, I think, is to try to make sure you don't do it again. Just examine your reactions and try to look at it from an outsider's point of view, if that makes sense?
That's the hard part :/
Yeah, I know :/
I agree with @themildone, @ducky
let that shit go. don't make us sing frozen up in here. I know it's hard, but you're not gonna be able to move on and treat new people better if you sit on that forever. Or treat yourself well.
This isn't quite sad panda, but it is making me sad and stresse
d out. I just turned 28. I grew up in a very unstable household, family structure wise. So probably since 13, I would say my life goal was relationship focused on a partner. I wanted love and stability - never so much that I just settled, because I'm restless enough that I can't settle. There are at least two men who would've married me and treated me well, but I knew they weren't right. I look back and regret it a bit, because with either of them I would've had a good, stable, happy life. They are both married now. But even though procreating isn't my goal, I still wanted that stability I had never been afforded. Whatever job I worked really didn't matter, it wasn't my goal, I just needed something I didn't hate to pay for the life I wanted with my partner.
Well, it's been over a year slash 9 months since the person who I still need left me, and I've decided until I don't think about him every moment of every day, I probably shouldn't try to date. That's whatever. Other than missing my ex, I am pretty okay with being single. Good friends, plenty of things to do - I miss affection, especially when I don't feel well (like last night). I self soothed, unfortunately for me that means binge eating and drinking on a weeknight. I need to deal with that, cool.
But now my brain is reprogramming a bit and I'm becoming career oriented. A half-job-offer focused me to the fact that I don't like or really approve of private recreation for a huge profit, and that I really want to work in public recreation like I am now, and work my way up a bit. Maybe one day with a different president, work for the national park service. It's scary but comforting that I give a shit about what I do with my life. But I have the passion and skills. (and no, my ex never held me back, he wanted me to have a successful career, but I cared more about him than myself.) I still have to put my 4 leggeds above that, there are jobs I cannot take because of them, and I am okay with that. That's my little taste of caring for someone.
This is a ramble, but I'm anxious, stressed out, and definitely on a rocky road right now. I miss my ex so much because he would actually be so damn happily supportive of my career goals. Not that my friends aren't, but following these goals means leaving them and my town, because there is no where for me to develop my career here.
I just really don't want to be that bitter older animal lady that could never adjust their life enough to find love and live alone forever. While I want my career to be a success and not give up my critters, I really do want an equal in my life to enjoy it all with me.
Man, I'm so sorry you're going through all this I don't really have any advice other than about this part
I'm not positive but it seems like you're worried that's what others will think of you? If so, fuck em. If that's what makes you happy (or at least moderately so) then don't worry about if other people think you're a cat lady. I've known some cat ladies and they're cool as hell.
nah, I really love relationships. I don't mean in the next year or two. But I know personally know three 50 year old plus women who are single because they wouldn't adjust their lives for someone else, mainly around horses. Not that I would give up my horse, but these people are so inflexible. And I felt that way when I dated that guy a few months ago.
But I also stopped everything for my ex because it was so right. So I know eventually the right one will roll around when he finds me. I just need to be receptive to him and I probably will be. I usually fall in love easy, so being single for so long and dating that guy and not falling in love scared me that I am permanently broken. The last guy I dated was the first person I ever dated and didn't fall in love with in some way shape or form. I felt so numbly broken it terrified me.
I totally get that. I was with my ex for almost 7 years and was so worried about getting with someone new after he left. I was hesitant to say yes any time he jokes around asking 'we're gonna be together forever, right?' because I know that shit can change in an instant. I think you're just being careful, though, and that definitely doesn't mean you're broken. Just means you've gotten smarter.
yep. i know it's what i have to do, i just get so hung up on the past. it's a process lol
Oh good, one of those days where I spend all day worring so much about accomplishing nothing that I accomplish nothing.
I'm starting to crash, guys I've had a strong like 5-6 months but I'm starting to crash hard. honestly the best 5-6 months in the past 3-4 years. I wish I could hold onto it somehow