Work on Amazon Mechanical Turk, learn from the best, and have fun doing it. Join the crowd today!
Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Social Discussion' started by Eetha, Jan 12, 2016.
thank you guys you all are the best
Spoiler: Here it goes...
So I've been feeling down lately. Like depressed down. The OCD I got used to, but this is not something I've experienced in the last 20 years. The drinking isn't helping, and I don't really know what to do. I know there are people with real depression, and I kind of feel like an ass for even feeling this way. I just thought sharing might help. Anyhoo, thanks for listening.
All depression is real depression. We all just struggle with different variants. I'm sorry you've been feeling down and it's good you're talking about it. You know you can always text me or we can watch all seven season of TNG together. I'm rambling but I think my point is people are here for you in theis weird, little MTC family.
P.S. I know what you mean about the guilt for feeling bad. I feel like I have a good support system and a good life so I don't deserve to be depressed/nutty/whatever. I know it's not true but I still beat myself about it all the time
So many things are good right now. I feel like a sucker for not feeling right. And I don't want it creeping in and ruining this budding relationship I have going on right now with a very sweet guy who could be something if it worked. But my anxiety and feeling like I'm worthless keep creeping in and I don't need to unload that on him right now.
So I have A HUGE history of being abandoned physically and emotionally.
My biological father hung himself because he hated the responsibility of kids.
The father that raised and loved me, stopped talking to me at age 19 because his new wife didn't like me.
My mother's love is super conditional.
A couple of people I thought I would be with forever left me because I didn't interest or suit them anymore.
Some of my friends tend to forget about me when stuff gets hard or too busy. I'm often an afterthought.
I'm not really welcome any longer where I am living, and panicking looking for a decent place to live. I don't want to do an intermediate move right now, I want my next move to be the last one I do until something awesome happens. And I want it to be with my cats.
I just feel super unwanted and like I don't belong and homeless. Everyone has been in a bad mood lately and it's wearing on me and making me really uncomfortable.
UPDATE: The one house situation that could've been perfect, I was told no. So I literally don't even have a glimmer of hope.
Rejection issues are tough. Sometimes I think about things that happened 20 years ago, and they make me feel unworthy.
I am so fucking stupid and can't do anything right, and should die. Over the summer, I did a HIT that eventually led me and a few other turkers to getting some work-from-home work with a smallish company. I don't know if I should go into too much detail, but it just seems like I make so many mistakes in my work, that I constantly beat myself up over it. Everybody's super nice, and my supervisor says I'm doing well, but I feel like such a fucking idiot when I mess up and have to correct things. I wonder why I seem so slow and can't remember things.
I saw my p-doc yesterday, and he suggested I try Adderall. I've never tried it, not even on the black market when I was in school. No idea how much it would cost my uninsured ass to go on it, whether I could afford it or not.
Most things are going really well in my life right now, better than in a long time but for some reason the last couple weeks I've felt inexplicably sad. I'm so down and lonely even though I have great family and friends. I feel like an asshole for even feeling this way when I know I'm incredibly privileged but I just can't shake it. I have trouble even caring enough to do much of anything. I know this is probably just the course of my illness and I'll get through it but it doesn't feel that way when I'm in the middle of it.
Okay, but, even though you feel like shit, you still take care of me, so absofuckinglutely not an asshole at all.
my dad purchased a new washing machine almost a month ago
it is STILL sitting in the back of his truck in the driveway
it is very frustrating to know that he has had offers of help to at least bring it in the house from friends (to get it out of the rain, snow, and freezing temps) but no. he thinks my 2 teenage kids can "handle it" um no. they can't.
my mom is pissed because he bought it without consulting her (and she would have got delivery/installation if she purchased it) by the time he gets it hooked up (at this rate, it will be summer) it probably wont even work because its been sitting outside for so long. i told him to return it since its just sitting there.
people are so frustrating.
and my lady parts have been hurting and i dont know why. i have an IUD so no period/no pain for the last 15 years so this is dumb.
Feeling down today, not sure why. I feel lonely as hell and just want to sleep. Kiddo isn't even being particularly bad today, I just don't feel like dealing with anything. And I'm so fucking exhausted, have been for days. No idea why, because I've been sleeping pretty good. I just feel like shit.
hugs to both of ya. also, cara, i did not realize you could possibly be old enough to have teenage children.
I'm not sad so much. Stuff is good overall right now. I am overwhelmed and burnt out. I just hit the point where I am making enough on here to be comfortable, and I'm so burnt out I'll return an entire queue of good hits because I don't wanna. I tallied it up - last week I did about 60 hours of work between three jobs (one full time 40hrs), and this week will be about 55, mostly because I'm giving no fucks to turking. Without turking at all it's about 50.
Starting Sunday I go on my work trip, and I'm excited because I won't have my other responsibilities. I can't take time "off" because I get bored and restless, but this will be a purposeful trip without the extra work I generally do. Hopefully I will feel better after that.
My boyfriend quit his job yesterday. We had been talking about it, and I support his decision, but he had originally said he wasn't going to, then he just...doesn't show up. Which is very, very strange for him. Now he's up hours before he usually is and he won't come out of the bedroom and snaps at me when I go in there. He gets mad and says I'm hovering if I even look at him. Last night he was talking about how he's happy here but he feels like something's 'wrong', and he brought it up on his own, which is also unlike him. And he's being kind of mean to my son, which is completely unlike him, because he never loses his patience with him.
I hate this. I feel like I'm going to puke. Every fucking time I feel safe and secure, I get blindsided. I was so happy with my husband and we were trying for another baby when he came home from work one day and said he was leaving me for another woman. My BF and I have been super happy lately, things have been going great...and now this.
What is wrong with me that I'm so blind to things being wrong? How am I supposed to ever be happy or feel safe if I'm always wrong about things being great?
I want to quit life.
Spoiler: Checking in!
I've been doing pretty good lately except for the occasional bummed out day here and there. Probably because of being stuck in the house all winter and being bored. I'm just glad that my family and I are in our own house and not still living with the mother-in-law cooped up in that awful attic (and sharing one bathroom with 8-10 other people).
I think I have finally cut way down on drinking for good. I mean, I drank regularly since I was 17 but the past year and a half it had gotten way worse because I was living with my husband's crazy family. And it was hard to stop even after we moved out of there. A few weeks ago I stumbled across a book, The Naked Mind by Anne Grace, and it has really helped change my relationship with alcohol. I don't even really want to drink anymore and this is coming from someone who got drunk 3-5 times per week. Just thought I'd share! Drinking way less has really helped with my depression, lost some weight, workouts are easier, etc.
I'm in a bad funk again
Trip was a good reset, however, the reality that I need to find a place to live in the next month is making me ill. Things are great here, but I'm kinda comfortable, minus the fact that my boyfriend isn't super welcome, definitely isn't allowed to stay over, and that my roommate is always grumpy.
I looked at a room today. Nice neighborhood. Two guys live there that are a little different but nice. $500/month for me plus cats plus Rev. A deal I cannot find anywhere.
The house is uncomfortably dirty and smells light teenage boy.
The grim uncertainty of my future sucks.