Work on Amazon Mechanical Turk, learn from the best, and have fun doing it. Join the crowd today!
Separate names with a comma.
Discussion in 'Social Discussion' started by Eetha, Jan 12, 2016.
thank you guys you all are the best
Spoiler: Here it goes...
So I've been feeling down lately. Like depressed down. The OCD I got used to, but this is not something I've experienced in the last 20 years. The drinking isn't helping, and I don't really know what to do. I know there are people with real depression, and I kind of feel like an ass for even feeling this way. I just thought sharing might help. Anyhoo, thanks for listening.
All depression is real depression. We all just struggle with different variants. I'm sorry you've been feeling down and it's good you're talking about it. You know you can always text me or we can watch all seven season of TNG together. I'm rambling but I think my point is people are here for you in theis weird, little MTC family.
P.S. I know what you mean about the guilt for feeling bad. I feel like I have a good support system and a good life so I don't deserve to be depressed/nutty/whatever. I know it's not true but I still beat myself about it all the time
So many things are good right now. I feel like a sucker for not feeling right. And I don't want it creeping in and ruining this budding relationship I have going on right now with a very sweet guy who could be something if it worked. But my anxiety and feeling like I'm worthless keep creeping in and I don't need to unload that on him right now.
So I have A HUGE history of being abandoned physically and emotionally.
My biological father hung himself because he hated the responsibility of kids.
The father that raised and loved me, stopped talking to me at age 19 because his new wife didn't like me.
My mother's love is super conditional.
A couple of people I thought I would be with forever left me because I didn't interest or suit them anymore.
Some of my friends tend to forget about me when stuff gets hard or too busy. I'm often an afterthought.
I'm not really welcome any longer where I am living, and panicking looking for a decent place to live. I don't want to do an intermediate move right now, I want my next move to be the last one I do until something awesome happens. And I want it to be with my cats.
I just feel super unwanted and like I don't belong and homeless. Everyone has been in a bad mood lately and it's wearing on me and making me really uncomfortable.
UPDATE: The one house situation that could've been perfect, I was told no. So I literally don't even have a glimmer of hope.
Rejection issues are tough. Sometimes I think about things that happened 20 years ago, and they make me feel unworthy.
I am so fucking stupid and can't do anything right, and should die. Over the summer, I did a HIT that eventually led me and a few other turkers to getting some work-from-home work with a smallish company. I don't know if I should go into too much detail, but it just seems like I make so many mistakes in my work, that I constantly beat myself up over it. Everybody's super nice, and my supervisor says I'm doing well, but I feel like such a fucking idiot when I mess up and have to correct things. I wonder why I seem so slow and can't remember things.
I saw my p-doc yesterday, and he suggested I try Adderall. I've never tried it, not even on the black market when I was in school. No idea how much it would cost my uninsured ass to go on it, whether I could afford it or not.